Transforming your SetBack into your ComeBack
One of my most treasured gifts in life is my steely conviction that any adversity in life holds the message we uniquely need to be, have, and do better. The hardship allows time for a pause, thrusting us out of our autopilot ways. Big or small, it startles us awake and has us consider what in the world just happened. I have come to take my adversity as one might take a bitter medicine. It often tastes awful and is difficult to swallow, but I will do what is necessary for my healing - for my greatest health possible.
If we are willing to look and dig deep, there is *always* a great gift this unwelcome feeling can inspire us towards. When pain strikes in any form, we have the opportunity to take it and repurpose it. To turn what feels like a disappointing setback and transform it into what I like to imagine as our respective “King & Queen Comeback.”
The prerequisite to your comeback is holding fully to what *you* can personally manage. Many times we can get lost in imagining the pain has only to do with something outside of us. And while it is true there are many dark and unfair forces at play in the world, no one can take agency of our hearts and souls. We alone have the creative power to continue growing them.
One of my favorite books is Victor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Victor wrote the book in nine days, as a prisoner in Auschwitz. He passed through the darkest depths of human’s capacity for evil, and yet he didn’t emerge angry, resentful, or nihilistic, but rather encouraged, optimistic, and hopeful by what he described as man’s ultimate freedom and responsibility in life—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.“
The first requirement to embrace this lovely habit is to begin the practice of seeking this with every adversity. Things to wonder -
What might I change in my attitude?
What have I been ignoring that I know needs changing?
How might I bring more love into this situation?
How can I use this pain to help others?
Who I can help in this situation?
What good wants to come out of this situation?
The second requirement is to insist on holding on to this adversity with the knowingness it can bring you to a better place. You must be patient. You must give yourself grace. You haven’t arrived until you know what good *you* will be creating from this.
The final requirement - repeat. Hold steady. With time, you will come to know this practice is fail-proof, if you are willing.